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Chapter 8.

Everyone in the room stared at me and then Nick came into the room even though he was in shirt sleeves and started begging me to take him back.

“Dave, it’s not what you think!” Nick screamed sadly.

My friend G’eorge Osbourne smiled at me understatedly. He ruffled his short brown hair and opened his blue eyes like the Cornish sea that he was wearing contact lenses on. He had ruddy pink skin that he was wearing foundation on. Gideon was kidnapped when he was born. His real parents are Conservatives and one of them is a baronet but his father gave him a stupid name and his mother committed suicide because she was depressed about it. He still has nightmares about it and he is very haunted and depressed. (Since we formed the coalition he is in the Office of Chancellor of the Exchequer now not the Shadow Cabinet.)

“What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!” Mandelson demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

“Tory, I can’t believe you tried to form a coalition with Nick!” I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don’t know why Dave was so mad at me. I had engaged in preliminary talks with Tory (I’m open to non traditional political solutions and so is Dave) for a while but then he broke my heart. The talks had fallen through because they had insisted on keeping the national identity register, a stupid New Labour policy. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was right wing. (Haha, like I would hang out with a Trot.)

“But our coalition talks fell through!” said Tory.

“Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!” I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Cabinet Chamber where I had lost my majority to Nick and then I started to frown concernedly.

Chapter 9.

I was so mad and sad. I couldn’t believe Nick for cheating on me. I began to furrow my brow, leaning against the desk where I hashed out our platform with Nick.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible lady started flying towards me on a broomstick! She didn’t have a soul and she was wearing all blue but it was obvious she wasn’t a modern progressive Conservative. It was…… Margaret Thatcher!

“No!” I shouted in a scared voice but then Thatcher shouted “Section 28!” and I couldn’t run away.

“The 1997 Labour landslide!” I shouted at her. Thatcher fell of her broom and started to scream. I felt bad for her even though I’m a sadist so I stopped.

“Dave.” she yelled. “Thou must kill Tory Miliband!”

I thought about Tory and his sexah eyes and his distinguished brown hair and how his face looks just like Tony Blair. I remembered that Nick had said I didn’t understand, so I thought, what if Nick went out with Tory before I went out with him and they broke up? (AN: NO FUCKING SHIT SHERLOCK)

“No, Thatcher!” I shouted back.

Thatcher gave me a gun. “No! Please!” I begged.

“Thou must!” she yelled. “If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Nick!”

“How did you know?” I asked in a surprised way.

Thatcher got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on her face. “I hath telekinesis.” she answered cruelly. “And if you doth not kill Tory, then thou know what will happen to Nick!” he shouted. Then she flew away angrily on her broomstick.

I was so scared and mad I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly Nick came into the room.

“Nick!” I said. “Hi!”

“Hi.” he said back but his face was all sad. He wore translucent powder and Touche Eclat kind of like a coalition (geddit) between Tony Blair and William Hague.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“No.” he answered.

“I’m sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me.” I expelled.

“That’s okay.” he said all depressed and we went back into the House of Commons together, deep in earnest discussion.
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