sea_gale: (amusing)
[personal profile] sea_gale
[A quick explanation for the blissfully ignorant: My Immortal is one of the worst fanfics of all time. I wrote this reworking a few weeks ago, but decided to wait until it wasn't that funny any more to post this (actually I just forgot...)] Without further ado:

Chapter One

Hi my name is David William Donald Cameron and I have short receding dark brown hair and blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Geoffrey Howe. I’m not related to Cameron Diaz but I wish I were as she’s a major fucking hottie. I’m British but my teeth are straight and white. I have ruddy pink skin. I’m also a member of Parliament, and I go to the House of Commons, which is the lower house of the bicameral Parliament of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, where I’m in the shadow cabinet. I’m 43 years old. I’m a Tory (in case you couldn’t tell) and wear mostly blue. I love Saville Row and buy most of my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a single breasted dark navy suit from Huntsman, a crisp white shirt with gold cufflinks, a cerulean blue silk tie, charcoal angora socks and black bespoke leather shoes. I was wearing foundation, Touche Eclat under my eyes and translucent powder. I was walking outside the palace of Westminster. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of Labour MPs stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

“Hey Dave!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Nick Clegg!

“What’s up Nick?” I asked.

“Nothing.” he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

To be continued
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